Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Memos To Rockstar: INXS

INXS: You are old men. Stop trying to pretend that you aren't.

Mig's Leather Trousers: Good on ya.

Sound Crew: If you're going to have a choir, string section and brass ensemble, mic the place so the TV audience can actually hear them, and, in the case of the choir, please provide them with monitors so THEY can hear the band and themselves.

Brooke Burke's Boots: Why?

Ty: I like it when you sing. You're a lovely man. I think you would stink as the frontman of INXS.

JD: I KNEW YOU USED TO PRETEND TO BE ELVIS! I totally called it last week - or was that the week before last? No matter. Boo to you for copping out and using a backing vocalist to double your vocals for more then half of your song. Asshat.

Marty: You're growing on me, young man, and I think it's because you're really starting to try to sing instead of shout. Thing is, I think you'd be so damn unhappy if you were chosen to be INXS' singer-guy. They're old men. The don't want to break out of their mold and join the future, let alone think about the present.

Jordis: I am so glad that you decided to accompany yourself on the guitar, because I think it stopped you from over-singing your song. However, I think concentrating on singing and playing actually made you falter on holding some of your notes and your performance kind of fell flat for me. But you sure looked pretty. And your dad was adorable in his dashiki.

Mig: Oh, Mig. Not your best vocal performance, but mister, you put on the kind of kinetic, sexy performance that one associates with the late Michael Hutchence. And, I think, you dealt well with a song that doesn't actually allow for a lot of singing.

Suzie: You surprised me. I think you were in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation with "Bohemian Rhapsody". Do you try to hit notes that you know are out of your range and fail, or cop out and let the backing singers take over? My, my. I will say, however, that your earnest singing into the camera made me snort like nothing else last night. EVEN MORE THEN JD'S ELVIS CONFESSION.

On tap for tomorrow: The elimination episode, and a two-men-enter-one-man-leaves cage match comparison between Rockstar: INXS and R U the Girl.

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