Thursday, September 08, 2005

See You, Jordis!

Give 'Em the Boot Recap:

Recap of the recap. Bah. I have watched your episodes, Rockstar: INXS, and I have seen what you are showing me already. Please don't try to trick me into thinking that I inadvertantly stepped into a time machine and it's Monday then Tuesday night. Because it's Wednesday, dammit, and I want to see who gets the boot!

But first, the encore. JD and his silly abs won the hearts of the voting public (wait until he hears that he's still in the bottom three!). But wait! What's this? INXS wants to open for JD, and, mymy, they want to perform a new song!

I swear, this is the most contrived piece of television that I have ever witnessed.

"Hey, INXS, why don't you open for JD?"
"Hey, Rockers, why don't you sing with INXS?"
"Hey, Dave, why don't you join us on stage?"

The song is a stinker. And the performance? And old person's American Idol.

On to JD's encore performance: Has anyone mentioned the hilarity of the megaphone yet? Scott Weiland wants his schtick back. And that includes the ab bearing dress shirts.

Jordis is the first of the bottom three called on stage. She sings. And while watching, I come to the conclusion that when not singing a ballad, Jordis has the stage presense of a 10th grade girl standing by the school gym wall in the middle of a dance, waiting for a boy that will never ask her out onto the floor, trying to look like she doesn't care.

She doesn't want to be INXS' singer any more.

I don't blame her.

I think Garry Gary was not at all impressed.

Suzie is the next up. INXS loves Suzie. Evidence: they give her a song that they know she can give a killer performance of. Never Tear Us Apart is so suited for her voice, it's not even funny. Freaking teachers pet, she is.

And, what's this? JD in the bottom three? Hot damn. Except he kind of sounds okay this time around. But he still makes me dislike my previously held favourite INXS song, Mystify, with the fire of a thousand suns. I hate JD's stupid seizure dancing and skipping, and hand clapping to the mic.

But, in the end, it's Jordis' lack of desire that gets the better of her. The band kicks her off, but Dave vows that one day, he and she will make the most beeee-a-uuuuutilful music together.

I have a suspicion that "music" means the sex.

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