This is not a Post about Movie Shame

And how I ask my DVR to record movies for me that I intend on watching "later", when, really, "later" sees me watching utter crap like Surviving Christmas.

Nope, this is a post about how clever I am to create a wee library of films to watch while on vacation. That's right kids, my vacation starts on Dec 15, and goes all the way on to Jan 3.

Thats some long holiday, it is.

Anyway, films on tap:

The Sea Inside
OT: Our Town
The Passion of the Christ
Bright Young Things
Bad Education
Hotel Rwanda
Alexander
The Machinist
Boogeyman

That should take me through a couple of days, I reckon.

PS: The IMDB Search Engine extension for Firefox? Brilliant.

An Open Letter to Rick Springfield

Dear, dear Rick ~

I don't know if you realize how much it pains me to write this. It pains me like a 45lbs plate weight dropped on the ring finger of my left hand, that's how much it hurts. And why? Why am I so distressed? Because watching your guest appearance on General Hospital has forced me to come to a horrible, horrible conclusion: as an actor, you stink.

Please, just stop.

Thank you, and good night.

I Stole this Post Idea

From Kate, via Chris Nolan, via...well, you get the shampoo idea.

Type each letter in the alphabet into your browser address bar and see what comes up. Then report back.

amazon.ca
blogger.com
canoe.ca
digitalspy.co.uk
eye.net
flybookstore.com
google.com
hollywoodtuna.com
itsamonkey.blogspot.com (so self centred!)
joolzistrying.blogspot.com
kingandi.ca
laineygossip.com/ArticleList.aspx
mail.yahoo.com
nowtoronto.com
online-sweepstakes.com/directory/canada/
petro-canada.ca
retail.petro-canada.ca
sephora.com
thestar.com
ups.ca
vegweb.com/recipes/
wholefoods.com
yellowpages.ca
zacposen.com

My Skin is Trying to Desert Me!

Why? Because I brought it to Calgary in the winter. In fact, it's trying to detach itself from my body and take the next flight back to Ontario.

So lets talk about the horrid winter experiences that I've had in this city. I'm in that kind of mood. Calgary, usually I love you, but you try me dearly at the end of the year.

One past winter visit, in particular, spotlights just why you and I will always have a contentuous relationship when it comes to the cold. My hotel was located just a few short blocks from my company’s office tower, and even though the cold was enough to make my monkey crazy, the thought of taking a cab offended me to no end. I was tough! I was a woman of steel, and may have just had the Underoos to prove it! I had boots with a heavy tread! And mitts! And a hat! Goddamn it, I was prepared for the cold.

Right. For the cold. Not for the thieving air that stole every bit of moisture out of my body.

Though I was only there for three days, when I returned home, I came across a horrifying souvenir of my travels – a dry circle of skin around both ankles, at the exact location where my boot (and always falling down in a pool around my ankles socks) ended. The freaking air! I swear it stole up my pant leg like a thief in the night (day) and left its mark. Took weeks for the marks to fade. Weeks, I say.

Another Calgary business trip saw me, replete with inflatable cast Robot Foot (much to my chagrin, having a Robot Foot did not, it seem, help to improve my break dancing) encasing my right leg, from foot to knee, strolling to and from hotel to office again. Broken foot! Snow on ground! Taxi? Hell no. Confession: I am insufferably cheap. Even when the company is footing (Robot Footing) the bill. And also, 6 blocks. At the most. Seriously, folks, isn’t the fact that I work for an Oil and Gas company enough of a smack to the Environment’s face? I feel like it’s my duty to take action against the pollution in my non-work life whenever I can. But I digress.

Anyway, it was March, and I had assumed that Calgary was a sane town, and would’ve quit it with the snow. And it had, at least when I had landed on a Sunday night. The Monday morning was another story. I emerged (hobbled) out of the front enterance of the hotel into a steadily falling snowfall, and at least 3 centimeters of the stuff already on the ground. By the time I got to the office, snow had infiltrated my Robot Foot through the toe opening, and the first half of my sock was soaked through. But that was okay, ‘cause my toes? So cold they weren’t feeling a thing.

But lets face it – anything the Calgary can throw at me will always pale in comparison to February in Winnipeg. Even wearing four layers of winter clothing did nothing to combat the elements. Attempting to breathe the air made my lungs freeze and seize up, and my skeleton may have tried to run away, with plans to hitchhike back to Ontario. At least in Calgary, it's just my skin that's attempting to make a great escape.

So Excited I was About the Pudding Pop Ice Cream

I forgot to mention this: Susur Lee (or, as he's known in my world, "Oh, Susur") has been scheduled to appear on Iron Chef America in 2006!

That is all.

Soft Serve is for Suckers!

I made use of my ice cream maker today. Or, perhaps I should call it an "ice cream" maker in reference to today's project, but, don't fault me, I wanted to start with something easy and inexpensive to get a feel for how the machine worked. And, let's face it, what I made? EXCELLENT. And nostalgic.

Earlier this year, I found out that Jell-O Pudding Pops had been reintroduced into the US market, and I swear to God, my whole body started to shake with excitement at the possibility that they'd make their way into Canada. So much so that I might have contacted Unilever Canada to ask about it? When they told me that it would be a cold day in Hell (a cold day in Hell WITHOUT PUDDING POPS) before they'd sell them up here, I may have spiraled into an ice-y snack-based depression.

Imagine my delight when I spied a recipe in my machine's accompanying instruction book for fudgesicle ice cream. Looking at the ingredients (2 packs of instant pudding and 3 cups of milk - see what I mean by "ice cream"?), I realized that, Goddamn, PUDDING POPS.

Of course, not being able to leave well enough alone, I added a tablespoon of cinnamon to the Jell-O Chocolate Fudge instant pudding powder ("chocolate" is always better when it's followed by "fudge" - they're best friends, you see), and when it was all finished up in the machine, I stirred in a cup of diced fresh strawberries.

And I can't tell you how it tastes because it's the consistency of soft serve! And soft serve is for suckers!

Really, though, it's getting a bit more of its freeze on right now.

And really? I do hate soft serve. With a passion. Always have. In fact, a friend got me all kinds of excited about an ice cream stand near her new home that my disappointment was almost palpable when we finally went and I realized that the place only served soft serve.

So, yeah. Pudding Pop excellence will be consumed this weekend. And real ice cream, REAL ice cream, REAL chocolate cinnamon cayenne ice cream, will be made next week.

More with the campaigning

Scott Feschuk, Paul Martin's chief speechwriter, has taken to blogging from his Blackberry while hitting all the campaign stuffs. And he is cracking my ass up. Why can't his speeches incorporate references to Erik Estrada? I think that would be a winning direction to take. I really do.

The Election Campaign Begins!

And I have a feeling this federal campaign period is going to be the most horrid, and yet the most hilarious, EVER.

First with the funny: The Liberals now have an ASTRONAUT running for them in Vaudreuil-Soulanges, PQ. How can that not be awesome? I wish to see debates where he addresses the merits of Tang.

Now with the horrid: Harper is already vowing to reverse the same-sex marriage law. I don't even know what to say about that.

One day, remind me to tell you about the time I went to a party at Bill Graham's house. Where he wore a smoking jacket. And George Smitherman got drunk and jokingly dry humped one of my friends. Okay, that's pretty much the story. The end.

Bastards. The Lot of You.

That's right, BASTARDS. You didn't come through, resulting in me buying an ice cream machine this afternoon.



















But still, cute! It's the IMac of ice cream makers! I am hopeful that it might be part robot too. Because a robot that makes ice cream? Legend.

WARNING: It's a Craft Post. But also, Water Buffalo Yogurt is Mentioned

Right. Hi. I make stuff?

Now that we have that out of the way, today, I give to you my first attempt at creating clay switchplate covers.

I know, I know. But I have fun, so shut it.

Without flash, followed by with:
























My search for excellent switchplate covers started when I forgot to return to the "Home" section of Anthropolgie when I was visiting Chicago in the summer.

The suckers above were made with a clay that you can bake in the oven to hardness. I rolled out the clay, and used a cover as a template. I then got me some rubber stamps, and pressed them into the clay. Then, bakebakebake. When they came out of the oven, I painted them all over with acrylic paint, and used stamp pad pigment over that.

I'm pleased with how they turned out, but must confess that I left a little too much clay in the centre bar part, and they don't freaking fit over my plugs. Thankfully, though rigid, they're still pliable enough to take an X-acto knife to, so I'll be able to make them fit.

Did I ever tell you that the two adults who I bought my place from left Holly Hobby switchplate covers on a number of the switches when they handed it over to me? And that they didn't actually have any children? Well, I just did now.

***

So a friend in Chicago has discovered the wonder that is Water Buffalo Milk Yogurt. And I've been longing for it ever since.

Guess what? It's not available any where near me. I know this because, as a Private Investigator, I looked into the matter. I paid visits to my local grocery stores, looking in both the Organic and Full of Chemicals dairy sections. Additionally, Star Hill Dairy's website doesn't list any Canadian retailers. Furthermore, I saw that they listed Whole Foods as a US retailer, so I emailed my closest location and asked the Food Concierge (Food Concierge! Holy crap!) if they carried the lovely, playing hard to get yogurt. They, unfortunately, do not.

Being a Rocket Scientist, I am well aware that dairy gets angry if it is kept out of it's natural refridgerated environment for too long, so shipping is pretty much out of the question. And don't give me any of that dry ice reasoning. I refuse to hear it.

I reckon I'm just going to have to go back to Chicago to visit. There's no other solution.

Just a Hollaback Girl

My left hand pinky, that is. It really just refuses to think for itself, and mindlessly follows the lead of my ring finger. Which means that when I hold something in my left hand these days, it cocks out like I was some kind of lady who lunches, sipping tea from a cup made of fine bone china.

Thankfully, the head cheerleader finger hurts less today then it did yesterday, which hurt less then Wound-day Friday. This is good, sausage-like swelling aside.

I'm starting to think that my injury posts are my own style cat blog. And this disturbs me.

I Don't Know How I Do These Things To Myself

I really don't.

Picture, if you will, a slight woman, with physical strength that belies her appearance. Picture her at the gym, say, this morning. Picture her at the high row machine, shifting plate weights off of the machine's arms.

She holds a 45 lbs plate weight in her hands. Her left cradles the bottom of the weight, steadying it, while her right hand lifts and guides, sliding the weight off of the machine's right arm. As the weight nears the end of the arm, she slips. And the weight slips out of her right hand. And subsequently falls onto the middle section of her left ring finger, crushing it between itself and a weight held on a rack below it.

She utters a definative, yet almost silent GODDAMN!

The finger starts to throb. And swell. And the woman goes to the hospital to get it x-rayed.

The result? No break, thank god, but an equally painful and deep soft tissue injury.

Here's what my hand looks like now, injured digit taped to it's stalwart neighbour.











Let the mocking begin.

Someone Needs to Buy Me Chocolates, Please

These ones, in particular.

Wild Sweets Exotic Chocolates have just released two seasonal collections: Harvest and Science Kit.

Let me break them down for you. The Harvest collection contains chocolate and autumn harvest pairings. Regard:

• Apricot Chanterelle Emulsion & Plum Wine Reduction
• Kabotcha, Coconut Milk & Sweet Curry Emulsion
• Morel Icewine Emulsion & Walnut Panko Toast
• Rhubarb Stilton Emulsion & Port Wine Reduction
• Red Pepper, Raspberry & Vodka Emulsion
• Mincemeat Caramel & Butternut Squash Emulsion (I'm assuming this is fruit-only mincemeat)
• Sweet Pea Emulsion & Almond Nugat
• Apple Red Cabbage Gelee & Chesnut Praline
• Black truffle, Orange & Cinnamon Emulsion
• Yellow Pepper, Mango & Vodka Emulsion
• Parsnip, Pear & Vanilla Emulsion
• Barbeque Tomato Jam & Matcha Lime Emulsion

And look, so pretty!

















The Science Kit contains four chocolate desert experiments, totalling 64 portions. Holy crap!

• #1 - TensioActivity/ Foaming: Apple Muscovado Consomme/Frappe, Chocolate Caviar & Puffed Quinoa Choco Grains
• #2 - Hydrocolloids / Temperature & Texture: Strawberry Champagne Emulsion, Strawberry Carpaccio & Exotic Fruit Pearls
• #3 - Encapsulation / Aroms: Orange Curry Gel / Chicory Licorice Emulsion Eprouvette, ChoCoffee Hot Ganache & Coffee Salt Oranges
• #4 - Gel / Dispersion: Chocolate Dispersion, Cumin Gel, Raisin Confit & Exploding Crunch

Both are only available until Feb 11. But really, that gives me much time to get my belly some of the lovely awesomeness above.

Dwight Has a Blog

I am delighted.

Dwight's Blog.

My Kingdom for an Ice Cream Maker!

Good goddamn. Good. God. Damn, I said! How is it that no one that I know within reach out and punch them proximity has an ice cream maker that I can beg, borrow or steal? Especially when I have a recipe for chocolate cinnamon cayenne ice cream burning a whole in my back pocket?

Help me out here, kids. Don't make me buy an ice cream machine just so I can do this. Don't make me!

Oh, snap, you're going to make me, aren't you? I shake my fist at you, all of the people I know and love who haven't had the forethought to purchase an ice cream machine so I can borrow it.

***

I know, its been a few days, no? Sorry about that. I wish I could tell you stories of an exciting life filled with pirates and monkeys, but, alas, I cannot.

I have done not much more then the hanging out. And the shopping for presents for other people that I can't talk about right now, but am aching to, because, hello, PERFECTION, but they won't arrive at their destination for days, so they need to be kept under the non-existant hat (monkey pirate hat?) until they arrive and are opened, but, oh god, I'm excited to hear about the reception and will stop talking in run-on sentences now.

So I need to be quiet for a bit. Because the urge to throw out the secret into the open is growing like a boil.

Lovely!

PS: talking about gifts, how pissy is it that most gift guides published in this day and age (I just said day and age! Hack, I am) place all the electronic toys on lists for men? I am not a man. My lady parts tell me this. And I fucking love electronic gadgets.

The end.

I Can't Push Her Any Faster, Captain!

The battery - she's dead!

Gahhhhhh, what a day. Wandered on down to my car this morning. No response. Now, it's not like I expect my car to jump up and down and pee like an overexcited puppy when I walk into the garage, but I do expect some kind of cheerful response when I turn the key. Poor baby, she was sick and needed a boost.

Leaving from work to bring her in for a checkup at the doctor? Same response. Solution? Boost.

Half a kilometer away from the dealership, stopped at the lights on the offramp from the highway? She up and died!

Much like Scarlet O'Hara, I had to depend on the kindness of a lovely stranger named Ken who was able to manouver his truck in front of my car to give me a quick boost and followed me through 3 intersections until I reached my destination.

I go pick up my baby in an hour. I hope she feels like a new car. Or, you know, battery.

Random Starting Over awesomeness: Return of the snotty high pitched Josie cry today! Hot damn.

Baked Goods, My Favourite Scents Ever

Anyone who knows me knows me knows of my adoration for products that smell like baked goods and candy confections. Florals give me a headache, musks give me a headache, pure citrus scents give me a headache, but baked goods? Baked goods make my head feel lovely, and put my in a lovely, happy mood. Possibly because of the lack of headache, but more likely because of my love of dessert.

My food scented obsession began with purchase of Philosophy 3-in-1 shampoo / shower gel / conditioners, and quickly became a matter of collection. I can't begin to tell you how many of their scents I've tested, because, really, it's a little troubling. And as they continue to retire and replace them, I shall continue to buy and try and buy and try. My current favourite? Double Rich Hot Cocoa.

Because I felt the need to not only start my day with an excellently scented shower, but to carry on the smelly joy thoughout the day, I began sourcing perfume scents and moisturizers that could make me feel like I had a pastry chef making treats for me in my bag. The Body Bakery, Skindazzles, The Body Perfumery...all excellent places for the products I craved.

While visiting a friend in Chicago, she introduced me to Comptoir Sud Pacifique's Amour de Cacao. And I fell in love. You know how the slightly overcooked edges of a pan of brownies smells? The best bit of a pan of brownies? Damn. Straight.

I bring this up now because I just recieved my order of scented wax melts from Skindazzles. Yes, when I can't be making baked goods, I still want my house to smell like it. I'm currently taking in the scent of Cranberry Truffles, and I am delighted.

It's a Random New York Post

Oh, yes it is.

1) Minor celebrity sightings: Because it wouldn't be a trip without them. On the way to Manhatten, I shared my plane with one Clark Johnson, or, as I'll always think of him, Detective Meldrick Lewis from Homicide: Life on the Street. Also, hilariously, when I was waiting at the ticketing desk, the guy in front of me, hoisting a guitar hardcase, was questioned by the ticketing agent about the band that he played in. His answer? Our Lady Peace. It made me feel sorry for him and think about the plight of the non-front man in a Canadian famous band. I wonder if they have support groups? And finally, when I was waiting for the plane from Toronto to deplane so I could climb aboard to head back to that city, none other then Earl Camem...erm, Eugene Levy was the first passenger to disembark.

2) Goddamn are there a lot of people in Manhatten. I thought I was doing fairly well with the crowds and the noise until I walked into the Saks on 5th Avenue. Crazy hordes! Crazy hordes buying cosmetics! Crazy hordes screeching about the cosmetics they want to buy. Walked in the door, walked back out. Freaked out. Ran away.

3) On my final full day in the city, I decided to go to the 5th Ave H&M to see the just unveiled Stella McCartney line. Holy crap, UGLIEST CLOTHING EVER. I wonder how many poor girls will be buying over-priced cheaply made shapeless pieces thinking that it gives them style when all it really does is make them look poorly dressed.

The end.

Tag

So Rosemary tagged me into a game of talking about five women that inspired me. To tell you the truth, I have a hard time coming up with five things, let alone people, let alone people of the lady-part variety that have given me the inspirations, but I'm going to give it the old college try.


Mom

The ubiquetous choice, I know, but really, you gots you a mom, and that lady becomes a inspiration, one way or another. Thankfully, my mom is a lovely, incredible lady. And as the years go by, I become more and more impressed by the way she's growing as a person, and discovering who she is outside of a wife. And a mom. I consider her to be a friend, and that means so much to me, I don't think I can even begin to talk about it.


Cori

A friend and former boss. When Cori pulled a huge account that demanded all of her attention, she offered me a position in her PR company, taking over the bulk of all of her accounts. Her faith in my then untested abilities did a hell of a lot of things to help me believe in myself, and watching her work a room really gave me an understanding of how differently she operated from other women in the entertainment industry. I learned that it was possible to be a strong, confident and respected woman in music without being coy, cunning or underhanded.


Juliana Hatfield

I know, I know, musician! But seriously, her music inspired me to pick up a guitar. And travel about North America. And try things that were kind of scary. And to depend on myself, and the decisions that I made.


And that's all I can think of, really. Whoops?

Pumpkin Masala? Don't Mind if I Do.

Really. In fact, I'd be delighted!

Last night, a friend, her Melbourne-dwelling (Melbourne! I lived there! And last night, I became very nostolgic) houseguest and I went out for dinner.

The Location: The Bread Bar at Tabla. God, how I love it when high end restuarants open up less expensive children restuarants. Especially when they're located right inside the same space. Served tapas-style, the food was excellent. And more then reasonably priced. And, talking about the food...

The Eats: Green tomato pakoras; chickpea curry; cauliflower curry; rosemary naan; garlic naan; chutney sampler; white rice; and the dish that completely made the night for me: pumpkin masala.

Oh pumpkin masala. To you? To you, I pledge my love. Anyone have an excellent recipe for this dish? Because I feel like I need to be able to make it. And fill my ravenous stomach with it. For the rest of my days.

Hello New York. How YOU Dooooin'?

The things that you have brought to me today:

• Citizens of Humanity Ingrid low rise flair jeans in Pacific wash
• A wee Sephora haul of NARS duo eyeshadow in Caravaggio, Benefit Show Offs powdered eyeshadow in High Roller, a wee Philosophy 3-in-1 in Powdered Sugar Cookie and a Hard Candy Lollipop Lip Gloss in Raspberry Kiss
• A lovely meal at Pure Food and Wine

So, let's talk about Pure Food and Wine for a second. A wee bit back you might remember that I bought a few raw food cookbooks. One, Raw Food / Real World, is the cookbook that the owners of Pure Food and Wine unleashed on the world.

For the first course, I had the marinated shiitake, avocado and pickled ginger sushi rolls (with jicama instead of rice), and they ruled. To the extreme. 2001, even. For the second course, I ordered the zuchinni and golden tomato lasagna with basil-pistachio pesto, sundried tomato sauce and pignoli ricotta. Thing is? With every bite, the only thing I could think was that the raw lasagne that I cobbled together from Raw by Charlie Trotter and Raw Food / Real World was actually better then what was on my plate.

Take THAT happy couple on the Raw Food / Real World cookbook cover that had a horrible, messy and drama-filled (with chair throwing!) break-up!

North Country

Last night, while in search of the fun with an old, old friend, we wound up at the movies, sitting in a showing of North Country.

I wasn't expecting much. In fact, I was expecting to hate it. Hollywood real-life based dramas? Yeah, they usually stink up the joint. This one, not so much. In fact, this one was pretty damn good.

I do wish, however, that Charlize would start being tossed meaty roles that don't make her alter her appearance. 'Cause, really? That totally becomes the focus of all the reviews and media coverage instead of her stellar performance. The girl can act. Get over the stunning beauty, people.

PS: Francis McDormand's Fargo accent was used to a brilliant extent. And talking about brilliance, her performance, and that of Sean Bean...well, damn. Brilliant.

An Entertainment Haul, Oh My, Oh My!

I received an unexpected gift card today. So sweet, the givers! So lovely, the givers! So greedy, am I, because I used it all on myself.

What was my haul, you ask? Why, let me tell you!

Books

• Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman: I've been a fan of Gaiman since I happened upon the book he wrote with Terry Prachet, Good Omens, way back in 1996. Anansi Boys is a sequel, of sorts, to the brilliant American Gods.
• Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way - Bruce Campbell: Oh, Bruce. One of my most enduring celebrity crushes. One day, remind me to tell you about the correspondence that we had when I was in my 3rd year of university. Such a hilarious, excellent man.
• Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto - Anneli Rufus: I am a loner. I need a manifesto. I am also lazy, and gleeful that someone else has already done the work for me.

Music

• Written In Rock: The Rick Springfield Anthology - Rick Springfield: Okay, when I talk about enduring crushes, this one is really the pinnacle of them all. My first rockshow? Rick Springfield. CNE. 1982. Yes, I was 8 years old. And I have never stopped loving him. And dude? He's returning to General Hospital on December 2nd!
• Live It Out - Metric: intelligent rock music that you can shake your ass to. Love, love, love. And also, love.

DVDs

• Dead Like Me - Season 2: Dead Like Me is one of my special favourite shows. Special favourite! So, of course, it was cancelled after its second season. That makes me sad. I now have to watch Mandy Patinkin on Criminal Minds and Callum Blue on Related. It's not the same. I may also be spying on Ellen Muth's EBay activity in hopes of scoring some of the stellar pieces of George's wardrobe for cheap that she sometimes, apparently, offers up for sale. Who knew?
• Arrested Development - Season 2: Arrested Development. Need I say more?

Confidential to Rose & Kate: Serenity is being released on DVD on December 20!

eBay, I Love You.

I really, really do. First, the BCBG skirt, and now you give to me a lovely and amazing sink & faucet.

Regard, if you will:











And both? For CRAZY CHEAP.

I can't wait for next year to come. I can't wait for my master bathroom remodeling project. And being an impatient fool, I shall be driven to distraction until the renovation begins.

It's going to be a long six or seven months. Yes, indeed, it is.

PS: another scent that I love has to be the puff of smoke that wafts up from a small fire just blown out.

A Scary Movie Post for a Scary Movie Day

I hereby nominate Night of the Lepus for best bad scary movie ever.






















"How many eyes does horror have? How many times will terror strike?"

Indeed. INDEED!

Baby, it has it all. And all-star cast! If by all-star, I mean Deforest Kelly and and Janet Leigh. A killer tag line! GIANT MUTANT KILLER RABBITS.

Oh, bad horror movies, look what joy you have unleashed on the world with this movie. Look, I say! Look, and rejoice, dammit.

Stop the Presses!

I am full of drama and news today. The latest? My Susur two volume history / cookbook has arrived! And it is beautiful.

The recipe section is fairly meat-centric, but the vegetarian recipes that are in there? Totally make the purchase worthwhile. The Singapore Slaw that I had at Lee's, his more casual restuarant located beside Susur? The one that I might have composed sonnets about? It's. In. There.

That is all.

Breaking News

The Colbert Report will begin airing in Canada NEXT MONDAY. Right after the Daily Show on both CTV and the Comedy Network.

Don't you love how my breaking news is about a fake news show?

Excellent.

Here's a story, if you don't believe my ass about this:

Colbert Report Comes North - The Toronto Star

People Like Doing Things That They Do Well

It's a fact. And also, 30 Helens agree.

After over a month of avoiding hot yoga (monkey yoga!) due to not digging the teaching style of the instructor that's been teaching the only session that I could work into my schedule, I headed back yesterday to try out a session with a new instructor. And, goddamit, she ruled.

I kind of love the yoga because I'm preternaturally flexible. It also works all kinds of stress out of my body and lets my head get all quiet inside for a good 90 minutes. And I've been sad and stressed with missing weeks of classes, but, quite seriously, for me, a worthwhile class means an instructor that corrects your positioning, pushes you to your limits in a pose, and mixes in new postures amoungst the traditional parts of the session. And damn if that didn't happen yesterday. I'm hoping that she'll take over the session for good, or at least teach it on a regular basis.

On the flipside of liking things that we do well, I may have cried at work this week because a client isn't allowing me to do my work well. I like my work. I'm good at it. And it is just so frustrating and infuriating (and, apparently, tear inducing due to the frustration and fury) when they demand that you do things that you patently know is horrid and wrong. I am happy to say, however, that the tears didn't start until I was outside of the building, on my way to the car, and outside of the view of, oh, anyone at all. I hate crying in public because I'm a seriously ugly crier. The snot and the red eyes and the flushed skin? Yes, indeed.

But the yoga? It helped me sweep all the anger away, and get back to my monkey-loving stupidity. As usual.

The end.

A Shout Out to Canadian Jewellery Designers

Affordable Canadian jewellery designers, that is. Hello. I love you.

I bring this up because, in a stroke of genius, Flare Magazine is offering a necklace by Foxy Originals as a gift with subscription. Which made me subscribe, 'cause, goddamn, I really like Foxy necklaces, and I read the magazine anyway? And baby, I gots me a new necklace in the mail today!

Foxy Originals has some really lovely, chunky and large enamel pieces, and some beautful metal-worked pieces as well. Here are a couple of necklaces that I claim as mine.

The pink one in the middle:









And the gold one:












A SoulFlower pendent was my first grown-up looking jewellery purchase. They are truely my favourite source for pendants. Finding examples of their work online, however? Not an easy task. Especially as their site is Flash-based. Which is a much bigger irk-issue that I have with retail websites to be discussed another date. But I digress.

SoulFlower uses materials like silver, wood, shell and tile. Their shell mosaic works make me salivate. Indeed, they do.

It Blows on a Nail and the Nail Goes in the Tree

Home Movies ranks amoungst my favourite animated shows ever. Ever, I say! I love the fact that my morning pre-work routine includes a viewing of an episode before jumping in the shower. Somehow, it makes my day start on a crazy, silly, excellent note.



















***

My new favourite thing comes via an email from a lovely co-worker. It has lead me to ask, "Why, of all people, do I not have a Trunk Monkey?"

***

Confidential to Olives: I can see you clicking on the link that's been posted on the board as the way you guys are getting here via the metric software on my blog. If you're going to continue reading, why don't you at least say hi?

Susur! Cookbook! Hot. Damn.

Seriously now. SERIOUSLY. I am so very excited about this news. One of my top two meals ever occured at Susur Lee's restuarant Susur. On the evening of my 31st birthday, my friend Brad and I dined on a meal that I still get a little choked up about. 5 course vegetarian tasting menu? Yes, please.

This month, Susur Lee fufilled one of my cookbook dreams, and released Susur: A Culinary Life. It's a two volume set, the first of which details Susur's life as a chef, with the second being packed full of 90 recipes and pictures of his creations.



















I ordered a copy today. I can't wait for it to arrive. And even though reviewers have said that the recipes are a challenge, I so very much look forward to taking a crack at the vegetarian items within.

Oh, the excitement! I seriously flapped my arms like a goon when I found out about the book this morning. A goon!

I then emailed the Green Zebra in Chicago to urge their chef to publish a cookbook as well. As the place where my other top two meals occurred, I feel that if they could deliver such a thing, my epicurious DIY life would be complete.

DVR Glee

Glee, I said. GLEE. This morning, my cable company final pushed out a download that turns on my unit's second reciever. I can now watch one program while recording another to the DVRs hard drive. I think this will do crazy things to my TV watching productivity rate.

What, like you didn't think I had a TV watching productivity rate? Please. Get real here, people.

Issues that I have with my cable company, however:

• They provide no notice when things like this will take place. Customer service and communication are not their strong suits.
• I was watching the news (read: The Daily Show morning rerun) while getting ready for work. The surprise push-download required that the unit turn itself off, and not reactivate until the download was complete. I now feel off-schedule and off-balance, as my pre-leave-the-house routine always involves The Daily Show

Small Things Can Make You Feel Good

Today is Not a Fun Day

And, let's face it, neither was yesterday. I am work-tired. Or, more accurately, work-frustrated. Or, even more truthfully, furious at the departments that my team has to work with. Sometimes, working at a company that fosters inter-departmental competition and one-upmanship (well, that doesn't exist in my department, but it's something that we have to deal with on a regular basis) can really hit that part of my brain that makes me hate.

I don't like hating. In fact, I hate it. Har.

It makes the rest of life not fun, you know?

This post is a bummer. There's no fixing that.

I am hopeful that tomorrow will be better. I am always hopeful.

One excellent thing: Rick Springfield will be guest starring on General Hospital starting December 2nd. See, there usually is a good thing down the road, baby.

Scents are Amazing Things

Seriously, they are. There are certain aromas that make me so damn happy, I can't even tell you. I bring this up because I was at my parents' place earlier this evening. They live in a neighbourhood where every house has built with a wood burning, built in fireplace. One of their neighbours was happily at it, burning the most amazing smelling wood. And, with one wiff, all of a sudden it was FALL. And it was awesome.

But everyone loves the smell of a good fire. So I've decided to start a list of scents that I adore that may seem odd.

. Barn
. Toast, just before it starts to burn
. Windex

More to come as I think of them.

Monkey Socks have Butts!

It's true. And, thankfully, they (both the butts and non-butts) have sweet dispositions, and have made friends with mini sock monkey and the naked pirate, as evidenced in the comfy TV watching pile-up below.
















Talking about TV, holy crap do I have a shitload to get through. STARTING OVER! Holy crap. I just sat through this weeks episodes and I don't think I've ever seen better TV ever.

EVER.

Okay then.

Rainy. In the Fall. In Boston.

I don't often write about my job, because, for some reason, I feel that's private. As opposed to all of the weird-ass things I have running about my head that I empty here, day after day, in a manner that probably leads some of you to believe that that girl? Not quite right in the head.

Anyway, I'm in Boston this week for a conference. I'm learning a hell of a lot, and am still managing to have fun. I would like to say, however, as learning point for presenters, just a couple of things:

• If your presentation entails me, watching you, watching your co-presenter use software, and the presentation isn't actually about that software, you are making a bad, bad presentation.
  
• Pockets are for small things. Although you might be able to fit a Zach Morris-esque cell phone into your pockets, it doesn't mean you should.

I went out with my friend Lori last night. She is hilarious and lovely, and I am so glad we had the time to meet up. Also? She gave me monkey socks. And lip glosses that taste and smell like ice cream and coffee. WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE?

Whole Foods sparkling mineral water tastes like ass. How can you mess up mineral water, I ask. It takes a special person to figure that one out.

So far, I have successfully stayed away from the Sephora in town. Two more days. Two more days. Two more days and I will be safely out of range.

I Am Missing the International Noise Conspiracy!

Because I am at a confernce in Boston, and not back near Toronto. Dammit! And damn you, Toronto weeklies, for not listing them on the show bill, and listing only The Bravery instead. Worst? They're playing Boston. Hours after I leave.

This will be the first INC show in Toronto that I have missed. It is making me sad and angry. Because I love them so. LOVE.

I Feel Like I Need a New Camera

And only because I suffer from tech-lust. It's a sickness, I know, and it makes me want things when I really don't need them.

See, I have a digital camera. Granted, it's a Kodak Easy Share DX3900, bought back in 2001. Granted, it's only 3MP. Granted, it's the size of a shoe. Or a phone. It's the size of a shoe phone. And granted, the rechargable battery life is all kinds of ass. But really, does that justify wanting a new camera?

Here's the Kodak:












Please note sexxxay docking station.

And here's the little lady that I wish were mine:




















Say hello to the Canon Powershot SD30. 5MP! Purple! Red! Descrete docking station! Not to be mistaken for a shoe phone!

I feel like I could be an effective spy with this camera.

I don't know if that's a good thing or not. But I still want. Oh, yes, I do.

A Random Post for a Random Day

Sometimes, when the water from my showerhead hits my showercurtain just right, it sounds like applause. Every time I take a shower, I come out at the end, feeling like I accomplished something wonderful.

Dear BCBG coats located in a post down yonder: you and I, I'm sad to inform you, will never be. Because I might have just made use of my clothing budget for winter to purchase a Mackage coat. But it made me think of you all, it did, with it's turned up collar and ability to fit me like it was made for me right off the rack.

Here's a picture of my new love. Except mine is black. And not pimped out with a bargazillion gold chains.






















I, quite simply, CANNOT WAIT for winter.

PS: Starting Over started for real today. EXCELLENT. Freakshows! Oh, man. I am a little sad that they're milking the events of September 11, but I can forgive the show for giving me TJ the asshole and Jill the diva shoplifter drama.

TOO MUCH GOSSIP. IT HAS PUSHED ME OVER THE EDGE WITH EXCITEMENT

As evidenced by the all caps used in the title of this post.

This morning: Lyndsey Lohan totals her car
Mid-morning: Us Weekly publishes that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey break up
Early afternoon: ETOnline reports that Paris Hilton has taken to wearing crazy costumes, replete with prothestics, to go to churches and her brother's soccer games
Right NOW: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes announce they're having a baby

I think I might faint. This is the BEST GOSSIP DAY EVER.

Goddamnit, I Need Me a Robot

Say hello to Roboraptor.












Here is what his people have to say about him:

ROBORAPTOR™
A Fusion of Technology and Personality

Dinosaurs are back and roaming the earth in the 32” long Roboraptor, an advanced fusion of technology and personality. With his advanced artificial intelligence personality, realistic biomorphic motions, direct control and autonomous (free-roam) modes, the Age of Dinosaurs has truly returned. Roboraptor comes to life with the following features:

- Fluid bi-pedal motion: walking, running and predatory gaits
- Realistic body movements: turning head and neck; whipping tail actions
- Three distinct moods: hunter, cautious and playful
- Autonomous environmental interaction: responds with mood specific behaviors and sounds
- Mood dependent behavior: aggressive/hunting mood; nervous/cautious mood; friendly/playful mood
- Multi-sensory: touch sensors in his tail, chin and mouth; sonic sensors
- Infra-red vision system detects objects in his path, or approaching him
- Powerful jaws that play tug-of war games, “bite” and pull
- “Laser” tracking technology: trace a path on the ground and he’ll follow it
- Visual and sonic guard mode
- Responds to commands from Robosapien V2
- Auto shut-off function
- Video game style controller
- Demonstration mode
- 40+ pre-programmed functions
- Battery Requirements: 6 X "AA", 3 X "AAA" (not included)

I feel like he and his battery food source needs to come live with me. But not that Robosapien fool. He's just too subservient and into showing off dance moves for my taste.

I Covet Too Expensive Clothing

Oh, BCBG, I adore you, and you know it. I also love that you have sales, and I will be visiting you at the end of season to try to pick up at least one of these suckers.

This jacket:





























These coats:















































































These shoes:

I am Feeling Like the Weather Has Teenage Boy Disease

Becuase it's all Come Here - Go Away, Come Here - Go Away!

Not that I'm really complaining too much today. Or yesterday. Or, I postulate, tomorrow. I love the fact that I can go bare legged during the first week of October. I just hate that I forget to bring the jackets that I wear first thing in the morning home with me after work because the heat? The heat tells me that I need no jacket! And so I tend to forget that I brought one with me. Last week, I got up to a count of three in the back room where we hang up our stuff. Ha, whoops?

I am heading out to Boston on Sunday for a professional conference, which is lovely and exciting. I adore Boston because I have never had anything but fun there. Plus, Boston in the early autumn? Hot damn with the beauty.

For the first time ever, however, my family will be forgoing celebrating Thanksgiving. Not like it's ever been more then a more elaborate Sunday dinner where my mom makes stuffing outside of the turkey so I can eat it (damn vegetarian! I can hear you say), but it's still a little weird. I'm sure my mom and dad would've been pushing for a celebration on the Saturday, but, showing her true, selfish, ignorant family colours, my cousin decided to get married that day.

Right. Married. In the middle of a long weekend. Is there anything more demanding? "Hey, the last long weekend without snow! Let's make all of our relatives stay close to home and make them come to a wedding! And make it not only on a long weekend, but right in the middle so that they can't really do ANYTHING to take advantage of having three days off!"

Thank God that I have so many cousins that we're never invited to these things. But poor mom and dad and aunts and uncles. But also, haha, I don't have to go. Not like I would've, but still. Ha?

Okay then.

Glaucoma Testing, Midget Faces and DVR Love

I am blind. Well, that's an exaggeration, but seriously, if I don't have some kind of corrective lense in front of my Precious Moment-like eyeballs, I tend to run into things and say "Excuse me" to inanimate objects.

Confession: I say "Excuse me" to inanimate objects even when I'm wearing contacts or glasses. Because I'm polite that way.

Anyway, I had my vision tested this morning, and my slide into darkness continues. -6.5 in each eye! I feel like I should recieve an award for that. Anyway, my optometrist performed a glaucoma test as well, and seriously, I think there is no stranger sensation then having the nerves in your eyeballs deadened by eyedrops. I could feel the insides of my eyelids sliding across them. It was fucking insane, and a little awesome.

The frames for my new glasses? Why, yes, I did get new frames. And, because I have a midget face (it goes with my midget feet, you see), I ended up buying a pair of kids frames. A picture of which I cannot find online, so a photo of me wearing the suckers will have to wait until they're in my possession.

Completely unrelated, but I bring it up because I'm currently watching Vera Drake, which is heartbreaking and amazing and one of the best things I've seen on-film in ages, is my love for my DVR. Kate thinks I have an unnatural relationship with it, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she's right. But, really, how can you not love something that records shows for you while you sleep and have forgotten that you told it to tape?

Peanut, Peanut Butter

And more peanut butter. Because, really, Sharon? Lois? Bram? You know that the best thing to have with peanut butter is more peanut butter.

I whipped up another batch of banana flavoured peanut butter, and tried my hand at cinnamon flavoured as well. Hint: 6 cinnamon sticks for 1.5 cups. I used my coffee bean grinder to pound those suckers to powder, but I think if I'm going to continue to make the cinnamon PB, I'm going to have to invest in a really good one, or maybe a dedicated spice grinder, that will make an even finer powder.

The end.

When Decorating Becomes a Disease

I have a kickass aubergine purple kitchen. All of the cupboards and major appliances are white. Because the purple wasn't crazy enough, I decided to accessorize in shades of blue and apple green. And I get a little crazy when I come across things in those colours because, seriously, for a kitchen, they're damn hard to come by unless you make them yourself (hi, spray painted range hood!)

A couple of days ago, I went into a Home Outfitters near my office, and I was filled with delight and longing. Why? BECAUSE OF THE APPLE GREEN AND ROBIN'S EGG BLUE!

I managed to leave the store purchasing only a couple of apple green cutting boards and an apple green trash can:






















I might have cried a little because I left the following behind:


























I only use toaster ovens!









































I don't like milkshakes!



































I have a food processor, so why would I need a blender?




















Okay, I could use a stand mixer. Christmas is coming?

Hello, Geeks. Goodbye, Olives.

Because if you're reading this, you know you are one, what with the perusing blogs on the Interwebs (thanks for the new silly word, Heather).

Right, so you're a geek. Which means you, at one time or another, have been a member of an online community. Which also means that you, and that community, have probably grown in different directions, again, at one time or another.

This? This is my one time. Or another. Yesterday, I decided to stop posting at one of the boards that I have been a part of for the past bargazillion years. No, not that one. Anyway. After months of just not having fun, I realized that the bulk of the posters and I just didn't have anything in common any more. And it was making me more judgemental then usual.

Of course, that leaves a decision to be made. Make an announcement and deal with questions that I'd rather not answer, or just stop posting? I went with S-Words, Alex. Uh, option #2. Yes, I know that's the poo option.

Thing is, it wasn't weird not visiting last night. Or today. The time was right, I reckon, to just mosey on down the road.

Raw Falafels Are Bastards

And masters of the bait and switch! They made my kitchen smell lovely and falafel-y while dehydrating all yesterday and last night, but tasted like sand-texture ass. I shake my fist at you, raw food falafel!

Raw Food Update #1: Lasagne

If this isn't the most fatastic thing that I have ever made, I don't know what is.

I Have Never Spent So Much Time Preparing Food

It makes you wonder if it's at all worth it. Today, I've made two dishes from my raw food cookbook - a zuchinni lasagne with cashew cheese and a marinara sauce, and falafels that are dehydrated instead of deep fried. The soaking of the nuts and the seeds, the prep time of the sauces and the cheese, the construction of the dishes, the completely delayed satisfaction of tucking in to them, it's driven me crazy. I won't be able to try the lasagne for a couple more hours, and the falafels won't be done until tomorrow morning.

I will be sorely disappointed if they suck.

But everything smells insanely good? Okay then. Results posted tomorrow, I reckon.

INXS Chooses A Singer

Let the horrible puns begin.

There was no doubt in my mind that Mig put himself out of the running with his inability to write songs that didn't belong in a Broadway musical, and his choice to perform Bohemian Rhapsody. It made me a little sad, though. Also, when he stood beside JD and Marty, I was shocked to see just how tiny the little man is. Midget Mig, you're a sweet, stupid man, and I will miss you.

JD performance was, well, it was Hutchence-light. The tracing of random patterns in the air with his hand, the hip swivelling, the swagger...okay. Here it is. When he sang "You Can't Always Get What You Want", clearly, and with something I can only admit was soul, I knew he had it in the bag. And then seeing the way he interacted with the band on stage, it was unmistakeable that INXS had already chosen their new singer.

Marty will be better off without INXS. Although I fear that Dave Navarro will be stalking him with both dedication and boa-clad applomb.

INXS' new song Easy Easy sounded remarkedly like every other INXS song that has been released.

And so it goes.

The Destruction, and Construction, Is Done

PS: When I was in Chicago at the start of the month, I was taken on a lovely Starting Over tour. It fucking ruled.

Rockstar: Product Placement

Nothing says ROCKSTAR more then a black Honda Civic with a tan leather interior. No sir, no way.

Having the kids sit down with Andrew Farriss to write a song was a stroke of brilliance. And here's the game that they all seem to be playing: Marty attempts to show that he isn't a control freak. JD attempts to show that he's pliable. Mig doesn't seem to know that there's a game to be played.

The results? Marty and Andrew compose what seems to be a fine radio song. For "alternative" radio. Which is something that I think INXS is afraid of and not interested in persuing. JD comes to the session unprepared and, in my estimation, though he was trying to cover it up, pisses off Andrew. He lets Andrew take the lead, and they come up with something that sounds like an INXS single. Mig? Mig gives Andrew lyrics about puppy dogs and rainbows. You can see Andrew mentally sighing as he urges Mig to present something a little more pain-filled and dark.

The boys get to choose their own songs for tonight's preformance. JD chooses You Can't Always Get What You Want. Marty chooses something that I can't remember. Mig, the stupid, lovely man, chooses Bohemian Rhapsody. Oy.

High point of last night's episode: JD's confessional where it was quite clear that he was fucked out of his head. Awesome!

I can't wait for tonight's trainwreck.

Starting Over, What Is It That You're Doing?

You give me Allison on the way to a full hysterectomy, and then you bait and switch with four couples who's main issue is that they refuse to speak to each other about what they're thinking and feeling? You're a cruel, cruel mistress, you are. Especially when you taunt with what looks to be bath tub life coaching tomorrow?

Trainwreck, you are unavoidable. And you draw me, like a moth to a wool sweater on fire. Also, that shot of Iyanla with a single tear slowly making its way down her cheek in the opening credits? Fucking brilliant.

PS: Where is Dr Stan? I like to think that these episodes were taped during the Jackson trial, and lovely yet creepy Dr Stan is currently on the stand. Testifying, as it is.

I recieved an awesome Amazon order in the mail today. Amoungst it was the Smoosh CD "She Like Electric" (I do!) and a book of photographs by Loretta Lux. Awesomely talented kids making excellent indie rock, and hauntingly beautiful images of creepy children.

Hi, I only like kids when they astound or instill horror. And when they're no where near me in real life.

Anyway, the Lux book will result in cheap art for my walls. I have plans to frame and hang the following images:

Fast and Furious - In a Rapid and Even More Rapid Way

Just so we're clear. 'Cause Paul Walker? Kind of gross.

I made my own PB Loco Jungle Banana style peanut butter this weekend. Here's the easy recipe: 3 teaspoons of imitation banana extract for every cup of peanut butter. The end. I resisted using real bananas because I fear the rancidity. So does the monkey. The verdict? The monkey loves. Although it's a great dupe of the PB Loco stuff, I reckon I'll try to experiment with adding a spice or two next time. Perhaps nutmeg?

I sent a friend of my mom's to the Green Zebra while she was in Chicago last week. Apparently, she too now thinks that they make the BEST FOOD EVER CREATED. That's mad-awesome in my books.

I have been watching so much TV, I can't even tell you. And it's just going to get crazier. Today? Today is a day that I've been waiting for all summer. The return of Starting Over! The return of Arrested Development! Holy crap.

Right. Enough for now. The end.

I Was Defeated by the Seasonal Change

Especially since it ganged up with the weather in a plot against me. I haven't been this tired in ages. Ages, I say, and there's no real reason for it, except that it's turned into jacket weather in the mornings, and today was all grey and rainy and gross.

I woke up, hit the gym, hard, and went into work this morning, where, all of a sudden, I seemed to hit a wall. I had every intention of going to Monkey Yoga after work, and had packed my Monkey bags with my Monkey Yoga clothes, and tried to wear a Monkey attitude. By the end of the day, I quitely put my bag into my car's trunk and drove home.

Exhaustion!

And now I yawn.

Rockstar: THE TOUR. Hot Damn.

Suzie will have some kind of singing career. In a soft rock band. And that's okay for her, I think. It was the right time for her to be kicked off. PS: I am in love with the cut away shot to a depressed Dave Navarro. I am secretly thinking that he had plans to tap that ass if she won.

Mig dissappointed me with his performance. It seemed like he put more concentration into pogo-ing then singing. I still think INXS will choose him, though, following their comment about how amazing they thought his performance was.

JD pulled it out tonight. He impressed me. And I'm a big enough woman to admit that.

Who's going to see ROCKSTAR: THE TOUR with me?

The Post Where I Admit JD Put On a Good Show

I hate to say it, but last night JD was the only contestant who came at all close to being the kind of frontperson who could lead the kind of band that INXS is under the impression that is still is. He sounded pretty good, and, dammit, if he was the only one who actually sounded like he was performing at a rockshow instead of singing a song for show and tell with his in-between song banter. But, dude, what the hell was up with the prop cash at the end of "Money"?

Suzie proved, again, that she's not a rock singer. A weak pop-blues singer, yes. Rock? Not so much. I also had to laugh about how she went on and on about being a woman not being an issue, and yet wore a distinctly masculine pant and suit vest when performing.

I figured Marty out last night. Marty can come alive onstage - but only when he's singing his own songs. He looks like a freaking robot, going through the motions, when he sings songs that other people have written. Plus, his vocal range seems to lessen with every performance. This does not bode well for his chances with INXS, but, I think, he'll be voted most likely to turn this show into a viable carreer when all is said and done.

Mig, Mig, what the hell? I think this week was your weakest performance(s) since the show began. Instead of looking like a singer fronting a band, you came across like a actor playing the part of a singer. I thought we had gotten past all this musical theatre crap.

Dear Dave Navarro: you are a very talented guitar player. I like that you don't get guitar-face when you play. I hate that you're a fucking showboat. Tell me, when are you going to announce that you have a solo CD coming out? The show only has another week in it's run, mister.

Memo to Brooke Burke: I think your stylists are having an awesome time with the fact that you seem to believe them when they tell you that you look hot AND professional in those outfits, and not at all like a groupie willing to sex it up with freaking roadies.

The Behavioral Interview

On Rockstar: INXS, that is.

Sidenote: How the hell do you sub-title a titled work with a freaking colon in it? Seriously, how silly does Rockstar: INXS - The Behavioural Interview look? It makes me feel like I should just be using punctuation marks and no words at all anymore.

What?

Right, on with the breakdown.

Erm, not much happened? JD's mom and sister showed up as his prize for winning the encore. JD then waxed poetic over his hard, hard childhood. And I snorted.

INXS then held one-on-one interviews with each contestant, and asked them the hard questions. Except the questions? They were couched in the nicest terms imaginable. Anyway, here's a list of the bands' Yays and Boos for each quote rocker unquote.

JD
YAY: he's the "dangerous" one, hence, shades of Michael. Pale, pale, almost invisible shades of Michael, but whatever.
BOO: he's a fake-ass asshat.
NOTE: They've asked JD to perform his co-written number, "Pretty Vegas", on tonight's show. JD might be an ass, but he really knows how to play these old men. "My ORIGINAL song will be the one that INXS asked us to write lyrics to! How can they not love it?" Answer: They can't. Not love it, I mean. Because IT'S THEIR SONG ALREADY.

Marty
YAY: energy and drive
BOO: too opinionated
NOTE: INXS has also asked Marty to perform his original song. Which is good and bad. Good because it was a total modern-rock radio song. Bad because I think INXS will use the fact that the style of the song doesn't fit with their band to boot him off instead of JD this week.

Mig
YAY: He can perform like a motherfucker. And he's lovely.
BOO: Musical theatre. Does anything else need to be said about that?
NOTE: INXS didn't ask Mig to play his original song this week. Poor Mig. If you needed to know, again, that the band thought your song sucked it, there you go.

Suzie
YAY: Strong voice that sounds great when singing the INXS back catalogue
BOO: Because she's a woman, she must be an emotional mess
NOTE: I can't remember what song they asked Suzie to sing. Whoops? I put it down to the rage that accompanied their comments about her emotional reaction to the questions they asked her. Dude, people get nervous in an interview. Would you rather recieve pat, fake answers, or see someone expressing what they really feel?

INXS, the band? Yeah, they pretty much stink. I do, however, appreciate that they're pretending to not know who they're going to pick, and are doing much to contribute to the tension in the house. Also, I love that they're keeping up the rock-stars-must-wear-sunglasses-indoors uniform alive.

Online Shopping? No! Birthday in my Mailbox!

It really is, you know. Which is why, I reckon, I love it so.

I recieved perfume samples that I had ordered last week today, and I've spent a good part of the evening trying them on, letting them move through their scent levels and interact with my skin, and washing them on to try another sample.

Samples! Seriously, how mad-awesome is that? More then I could ever tell you unless you try it yourself. I ordered the samples that I recieved from a place in Hoboken, NJ called The Body Perfumery. In addition to the florals and citrus and woodsy scents that you'd expect from a perfume oil company, they also knock off some well known scents, and, loveliness-lovely, offer baked-goods and candy scented products as well. Chocolate de Belgique? Come to me.

I'm hoping that my raw food cookbooks, Raw Food / Real World (Kenny / Melngailis / Karetnick) and Raw (Charlie Trotter). The thought of raw food cooking is currently obsessing me. Why? Dunno. But I can't wait for these suckers to be mine.

Pickled Beets Bring out the Pirate in Me

I spent most of today helping my mom prepare and can what will become pickled beets. A bushel full. And goddamn if it hasn't given me a new found respect for anyone how does any kind of preservation projects on a regular basis.

I was swearing and threatening the beets at the end of the day. Swearing and threatening like a pirate.

It's been a busy weekend. Last night I went to a party at my old boss' place. Except, it was a bunch of people sitting on a patio with the music turned too low, and screaming, running toddlers. Why this was called a "party", I do not know. I tried to stick it out, but after an hour and a half, I had to jet.

I also picked up a raw food cookbook! That is mad-exciting to me. So much so that I ordered two more. Very soon, I shall have a raw food dinner party. Who wants to come?

Today is a Day Where I Acquire Things

Hey, did I tell you about the time that I bought a painting? Well, wee monkeys, it arrived today! It is even lovelier in person. I heart it. I heart it completely.

I also broke down this afternoon and picked up a DVR (think Tivo, but cable-company specific) this afternoon. I am having too much fun pausing live TV and recording things to a hard drive.

Oh, man.

Please Get Me This Shirt. Rire!

See You, Jordis!

Give 'Em the Boot Recap:

Recap of the recap. Bah. I have watched your episodes, Rockstar: INXS, and I have seen what you are showing me already. Please don't try to trick me into thinking that I inadvertantly stepped into a time machine and it's Monday then Tuesday night. Because it's Wednesday, dammit, and I want to see who gets the boot!

But first, the encore. JD and his silly abs won the hearts of the voting public (wait until he hears that he's still in the bottom three!). But wait! What's this? INXS wants to open for JD, and, mymy, they want to perform a new song!

I swear, this is the most contrived piece of television that I have ever witnessed.

"Hey, INXS, why don't you open for JD?"
"Hey, Rockers, why don't you sing with INXS?"
"Hey, Dave, why don't you join us on stage?"

The song is a stinker. And the performance? And old person's American Idol.

On to JD's encore performance: Has anyone mentioned the hilarity of the megaphone yet? Scott Weiland wants his schtick back. And that includes the ab bearing dress shirts.

Jordis is the first of the bottom three called on stage. She sings. And while watching, I come to the conclusion that when not singing a ballad, Jordis has the stage presense of a 10th grade girl standing by the school gym wall in the middle of a dance, waiting for a boy that will never ask her out onto the floor, trying to look like she doesn't care.

She doesn't want to be INXS' singer any more.

I don't blame her.

I think Garry Gary was not at all impressed.

Suzie is the next up. INXS loves Suzie. Evidence: they give her a song that they know she can give a killer performance of. Never Tear Us Apart is so suited for her voice, it's not even funny. Freaking teachers pet, she is.

And, what's this? JD in the bottom three? Hot damn. Except he kind of sounds okay this time around. But he still makes me dislike my previously held favourite INXS song, Mystify, with the fire of a thousand suns. I hate JD's stupid seizure dancing and skipping, and hand clapping to the mic.

But, in the end, it's Jordis' lack of desire that gets the better of her. The band kicks her off, but Dave vows that one day, he and she will make the most beeee-a-uuuuutilful music together.

I have a suspicion that "music" means the sex.

Is This a Dear John Letter?

Well, not really, but there's something that I feel I must confess. Rockstar: INXS (you and your crazy colon), you are beginning to bore the crap out of me.

Why? Why do you do this? Why have all of your competitors turned into bland, generic, cardboard cutouts of their former selves? I understand that they're attempting to become the singer that INXS would pick, but seriously? I don't think they would pick ANY of you silly little children based on last night's "sets" (heh).

Making up the breakdown

JD: Usually you seem to be able to handle the whole troublesome singing while moving your body. Last night? So not the case. In fact, you were painful to my ears. Your lower register is non-existant, and your stage presence is naught but a bad, bad Elvis impersonation. It pains me that the stations up here insist on using you, and only you, in their commercials for the show. Stinky man, I don't know how else to say this: (colon) You stink.

Suzie: Lady, you surprised me last night. As the icky old men from Our Band: INXS stated, you have a lovely, powerful voice. One, when paired with the type of songs that you write and excel at performing, simply proves that you would really falter and fail as the band's frontwoman. Sorry about that.

Mig: Oh, Mig, what are you up to? Smart with the sit down at the keyboard and ballad it up after a kinetic performance, but mister, YOU CAN'T WRITE A SONG TO SAVE YOUR LIFE. Thing is, I don't reckon that'll be too detrimental to your eventual evolution into the band's singer, 'cause, let's face it, the Farrises did most of the writing anyway.

Jordis: Why are you so boring? What happened to you? You're having second and third and fourth thoughts, aren't you? Get out while you can still salvage something from this 15 minutes.

Marty: You have three notes. That isn't enough, kiddo.

INXS: I told you already, air instrumentation? For drunk frat boy idiots. Stop it, already.

It's a Celebration, Bitches

Oh, Chicago, how I love you. And Lisa, Matt, and Otis and Eddie? I love you even more.

I don't even know where to start. I really don't. It's awesome hanging out with people who have the exact same interests as you? Indeed, it is. I loved that I could go to the gym first thing in the morning and not have people look askance at me for working out while on vacation. I love that I had an amazing walking about and shopping partner. I love that I had amazing dinner (and lunch) companions. I love that I saw episodes of Paradise Hotel. And, oh, the food.

Why do I always have such fine while I'm visiting you, Chicago?

Random:

• I won the Mexican food eating competition that ensued directly after my arrival on Friday. Take THAT, burrito that was almost, but not quite, as big as my head. And hello, Burritos as Big As Your Head. I am not fool enough to think that I could challenge you to a duel.
• Splits McGee at Lisa's gym is the president of my fanclub. Who knew that the bendy monkey-ness would inspire such admiration in others?
• Even with all of the eating, and there was a lot of eating, let me tell you, I still managed to misplace a pound. Goddamn.
  
• Anthropologie, you disappointed me with your calf-length skirts. A Boo to you, kind sir.

Shall we talk about food for a bit? Because it was amazing. Burritos and falafels and Thai, oh my. And a truly amazing meal at The Green Zebra. I may have stolen a menu. If by steal, I mean Lisa asked the server to give one to me.

The dinner: shared between the three of us
The food:

• Melon Cucumber warm soup-y type thing Amuse
  
• Heirloom Tomato Salad
• Casa Verde Heirloom Tomato Soup with Marjoram-Parmesan Palmier
• Warm Blue Cheese Cake, plum wine-grape reduction, hazelnut Tuile
• Prospera Farm Baby Carrots, Carrot Cake, Black Truffles, and Aged Balsamic Vinegar
• Crispy Sweet Potato Dumplings, Fresh Water Chesnuts and Dandelion Miso Broth
• Gnocci, Morel Mushroom Gallette, Braised Heart of Palm, Pohas, Sweet Corn
• Grilled Wild Mushrooms, Silky White Corn Polenta and Herb Emulsion
• Shoal Creek Farm Chicken Breast, Roasted New Potatoes, Crisp Skin and Wild Honey
• Chocolate Brownie Cake, with Chocolate Ganache, Basil Mousse, and Strawberries
• Tastings of ice creams: Chocolate Banana, Lavendar, Strawberry, Mint Chocolate Chip
• Fig Galette

My main dishes consisted of the Heirloom Tomato Salad, Baby Carrots, Grilled Wild Mushrooms and the Ice Cream. With tastes of everything else excepting the Chicken dish (Hi, I'm a vegetarian? Okay then). I had black truffles for the first time ever, and I now understand the why behind everything said about them.

I will be dreaming of that meal for a long, long time.


Rockstar: INXS recaplet: JD made love to the camera and in a fit of drunkeness, Suzie drank champagne poured off of his foot. That is all.

Oh, Labour Day

I'm off to Chicago for the weekend, kids. Shopping and eating and gyming, oh my!

See you next week!

Rockstar: INXS v. R U The Girl

Rockstar: INXS

• Singer, Michael Hutchence. Accidental death. Cause: Rumoured Erotic asphyxiation
• Band soldiers on with a series of singers, playing through their back catalogue
• Show is hosted by Brooke Burke, with Howard Cossel-esque commentating by Dave Navarro (ex-Jane's Addiction, ex-Red Hot Chili Peppers, current Carmen Electra boy-toy)
• Format: 3 shows a week. Monday - 1/2 hour recap of behind the scenes, day-to-day competitors in the Rockstar: INXS mansion; Tuesday - hour long "live" performance competition, of which the outcome is based upon viewer votes; Wednesday - hour long elimination show, wherein the three competitors who received the fewest votes sing an INXS song, and the band decides which one gets the boot.
• Prize: Winner becomes the new front-person of INXS. Records full record. Embarks on world tour.
• Advantage: consistent performance pieces, ego-driven drama, voter component, three episode per week format instills feeling of familiarity in audience

R U The Girl

• Singer: Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez. Accidental death. Cause: Car crash
• Band continues on as a two piece, recording new material
• Show is "reality based". Hostless.
• Format: 1 show a week. During that hour, T-Boz and Chili drive their SUV. Chili eats a lot of greasy food while T-Boz watches. TLC challenges the competitors to one up each other through vocal and dance performances, as well as things that a band member would never do, like costuming, and creating album art. They also encourage the competitors to talk shit about each other, and crow about the short-fallings of each one behind their backs. Also, they continually talk about how cutting edge and unique they are, and seem to believe it.
• Prize: Winner records single with TLC. Appears to perform that song on a internationally televised special.
• Advantage: Chili and T-Boz are hilariously catty and controlling, and they bring in equally hilarious guest stars, like freaking New Edition. Also, they have no intention on making the winner a permanent member of their group. Which rules.

Two Shows Enter, One Show Leaves

In a cage match, who would win? Rockstar: INXS, no doubt. However, R U The Girl? would get in a few sneaky below the belt punches before being knock on its ass.

Rockstar: INXS is Racist?

Well, according to Ty it is. But more on that later.

First things first - Why is the kick someone off show an hour now? Too long!

I can't believe I just said that.

But really, recapping the recap of the night before? Two competitors doing encores? What happens when they're down to three contestants? I fear that there will be much broadcasting of the kids sitting around the pool, picking toe jam and talking about their hair.

Marty's "opening" encore was pretty similar to last night's, and Suzie's winning performance seems to be going along the same lines. PS: Suzie seems to be getting more personable and adorable every show. I think I may be going mental.

Following the encores, footage recorded in the mansion after the performance episode is aired. Poor, poor JD is mad and confronts Suzie for talking about how he was an asshat in the studio. He then accuses Suzie of not being his friend, because, apparently, CANADIANS MUST STICK TOGETHER. What?

Meanwhile, the rest of the competitors are being stupid and passive-aggressive, talking about how much JD sucks behind his back. Why aren't they doing this to his face? Ahhh, but they will, once the cameras swing to them on the mini-stage, huddled together like urchins, waiting to hear who the voting public has decided stunk up the joint the night before.

And so it happens - Marty and Ty speak against the assholery coming out of JD's corner in front of the band. Thanks to the band, and their new labour force moderator, Dave Navarro, for making them address it onstage. And thanks to JD for making faces at everyone as they talked about what happened, and for keeping it real. REAL ASSY.

Oh, JD, it's just you against the world, isn't it?

When Brooke starts to announce the safe competitors, it comes as no surprise that Mig and Suzie are the top two vote getters. This is excellent, however I really do want to hear Mig's take on INXS.

JD is then named as the first member of the bottom three. He is asked to sing "This Time", and appears far too excited to do so. Especially when you see just how bad his performance is. JD is off-beat during the first verse, and flat during the chorus. He's also struggles with the low, breathy lines. Dear SUPERFAN: you sure did lame it up out there.

I start to hope that the show's producers don't make Our Band, INXS keep him on for television-drama sake, but I know, in my heart, that they will, and he'll stay to stink it up one more time. Even though Kirk, the Dali-mustachioed freakshow, asks JD how he thinks he did. Damn, I love it when the band asks the contestant how they think they did. Because you know that they though it was stinkity-stank.

Ty is the second contestant to be named to the bottom three. Again. Not surprising, I think. He's the show's one trick pony, a thing he seems to acknowledge with his "I do what I do, and I do it well!" speech. He sings "The One Thing". Vocally, it's surprisingly, unpleasantly raspy. He still works the stage though, but I doubt it's enough to save him

An aside: I am loving the deeper catalogue choices. I am hoping that "Kiss the Dirt" will make an appearance one of these days.

Jordis is the final competitor to sing an INXS song last night. She is given "Listen Like thieves" and I shudder because of my love for that song. I may have yelled at the television, "Jordis, don't you dare murder "Listen Like thieves"!" I am then put in my place, because, though underwhelming, she didn't. And, what was that I saw? Strutting? And dancing? And looking uncomfortable while doing it, but still, that's a little something different to watch. From Jordis, I mean.

Ty finally gets the boot, and then proceeds to accuse the voters of being racist. "Wha, wha, I'm a baby!". Jesus Fuck. And I thought JD was an egomaniac.

Tune in later today for the Rockstar v. R U The Girl cage match.