An Open Letter to Britney Spears

Dear Britney,

We should've known something was up when you appeared on Letterman last night, looking put together and in control. It's been years since we've seen you like that. Years.

But, you know, if you really wanted kids, you didn't need to actually marry that loser. But, better late then never.

Why do I care? Because your divorce pretty much guarantees that Federline will fade back into the obscurity that he came from. And I thank you for that. But I still don't forgive you for throwing him into the spotlight to begin with.